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Soley Responsible
By Alisa Chagnon
Have you spent the majority of your adult life (not to mention a good portion of your teenage years) complaining about past boyfriends or girlfriends and relationships that went sour? Has love turned ugly so many times that just by mere mathematical odds, you cannot understand how you could possibly go through so many disappointing and hurtful relationships? It is easy to be the victim of these past relationships. You blame the other person for lowering your level of trust, forcing you to put up “walls” and obtaining a dreadful viewpoint on your love life. To escape the world in which you are a victim, you must allow yourself to free your mind and look at a new possibility.
Look deep into your soul, be completely honest with yourself and make an effort to recognize this: You are responsible for every relationship that went bad. Why? Because you have absolute freewill to choose the person with whom you connect to. It is very easy to dismiss this by telling yourself that they misled you, lied to you, etc. However, as we look at the process involved in establishing a relationship, your eyes may open to this new outlook.
When you are single, you create certain guidelines; qualities that you hope for your significant other to possess. Whether they are honesty, loyalty, integrity, personal appearance or whatnot, you instill them into your mind to help guide you through the process of finding a love. Ask yourself, do you actually follow these guidelines? If you have a string of broken hearts and bad relationships, the truthful answer is “No”.
You want someone who treats you well, respects you, and shows caring. When you fall in love, you consider the other person to be ideal. Absolute blindness occurs to truly to seeing their faults. In a new relationship, there is excitement: you are not single anymore, you have companionship, and you are spending time doing fun things. Carefully think about it, they in fact showed their true colors, you just chose to ignore them in the name of love.
People only put their best foot forward in the very beginning of a relationship, done for impressing you. Once the relationship is established, they fall back into their normal personality and behavior. It is at this point, that you have already fallen in love and the option of perceiving undesirable behavior and exiting the relationship is not a pleasurable one. It is for that reason, you chose to disregard the behavior and dismiss it. It is easier for you to be in a blind state of bliss as opposed to
breaking things off and returning to the single life.
There is a plethora of red flags at the start of a relationship. The other person being moody, rude, saying things that are uncalled for, having a lack of interest in your feelings, being selfish and not express loving feelings are just a few. You dismiss it. You have put so much time and energy into this relationship, you feel as if you love them and you do not want to admit that they are not the right one for you. Admitting that they are not suitable for you seems like admitting failure.
Realize this: It is not failure on your part if the other person in the relationship falls short of fulfilling your needs. For example, your significant other repetitively shows a lack of caring by constantly being irate with you over inconsequential issues. You are not content with this conduct, you wish they would stop their actions; but you do not separate yourself from them. You may make an effort to speak with them about their manner in an attempt to bring it to a halt it. However, if you are staying in the relationship , you are agreeing to this behavior being acceptable. After the imminent breakup, you then feel sad and undeserving of the treatment you received.
You can immediately put a stop to another broken heart if you follow this simple advice: Leave the relationship upon seeing the first red flags. Do not dismiss them; do not ignore them. See them for what they are: the reality of the persons’ core demeanor. No matter how much time, effort, caring, love etc that you have brought to the relationship, for every day that you stay in a displeasing relationship you are purposefully increasing the pain you will feel when it ends. If you to pay no heed to to the clear signs that the relationship will not withstand the test of time, you are solely responsible for continuing a venture that you know will leave you in emotional pain. Article Source: http://www.articleblender.com Written by Alisa Chagnon, webmaster of www.lovebulletin.com Love Bulletin is a free and complete women's online magazine. With featured sections updated daily and weekly, there is always something fresh. Reader interaction with Q&A, fun Fill-in-the-Blanks and more. Serious strong and sound relationship advice and humorous articles.
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